Thread: 7.4 release news item on postgresql.org

I just read the short blurb to the 7.4 release.  I think it deserves a
minor rewrite.

Here is the current text:
Version 7.4 has been released after a long testing period, due to the
rather large number of new "enterprise" features we have. Click download
links above to download it, or read more to find out about our new
features.

Here are my suggestions:
The first sentence is a non sequitur.  It states postgres was released
due to having a large number of enterprise features, while the intended
meaning is to imply a long testing period.
The word 'enterprise' should not be in quotes because it does not
normally appear in quotes.  Quotation marks imply a user inferred
meaning that differs from the normal one.  In this case it implies
triteness (at least to me).
The personal pronoun 'our' does not belong here.
'Click download links above to download it' is better stated as 'The new
version is available in the download section' (perhaps with a 'located
above' tacked on to the end).

Regards,
Merlin

Merlin,

> Here are my suggestions:
> The first sentence is a non sequitur.  It states postgres was released
> due to having a large number of enterprise features, while the intended
> meaning is to imply a long testing period.
> The word 'enterprise' should not be in quotes because it does not
> normally appear in quotes.  Quotation marks imply a user inferred
> meaning that differs from the normal one.  In this case it implies
> triteness (at least to me).
> The personal pronoun 'our' does not belong here.
> 'Click download links above to download it' is better stated as 'The new
> version is available in the download section' (perhaps with a 'located
> above' tacked on to the end).

Thanks, but a critique doesn't do us much good if you don't supply alternate
text.  How about you just re-write the paragraph and I'll post it?

--
-Josh Berkus
 Aglio Database Solutions
 San Francisco

While you guys are at it, can you write up something for 7.3.5 which was
released today...

Robert Treat

On Thu, 2003-12-04 at 13:38, Josh Berkus wrote:
> Merlin,
>
> > Here are my suggestions:
> > The first sentence is a non sequitur.  It states postgres was released
> > due to having a large number of enterprise features, while the intended
> > meaning is to imply a long testing period.
> > The word 'enterprise' should not be in quotes because it does not
> > normally appear in quotes.  Quotation marks imply a user inferred
> > meaning that differs from the normal one.  In this case it implies
> > triteness (at least to me).
> > The personal pronoun 'our' does not belong here.
> > 'Click download links above to download it' is better stated as 'The new
> > version is available in the download section' (perhaps with a 'located
> > above' tacked on to the end).
>
> Thanks, but a critique doesn't do us much good if you don't supply alternate
> text.  How about you just re-write the paragraph and I'll post it?
>
> --
> -Josh Berkus
>  Aglio Database Solutions
>  San Francisco
>
>
> ---------------------------(end of broadcast)---------------------------
> TIP 4: Don't 'kill -9' the postmaster

--
Build A Brighter Lamp :: Linux Apache {middleware} PostgreSQL

> Thanks, but a critique doesn't do us much good if you don't supply
> alternate
> text.  How about you just re-write the paragraph and I'll post it?

My pleasure.

Original:
Version 7.4 has been released after a long testing period, due to the
rather large number of new "enterprise" features we have. Click download
links above to download it, or read more to find out about our new
features.

Revised:
After twelve months of development an extended testing period,
PostgreSQL 7.4 has been released and is available in the download
section.  Additional benefits of the new version include new enterprise
features and performance enhancements.  Read on for details:

Robert:
Can you provide the major point or points of the 7.3.5 release?
(security   fix, bug fix, etc.)

Merlin

merlin.moncure@rcsonline.com says...

> > Thanks, but a critique doesn't do us much good if you don't supply
> > alternate
> > text.  How about you just re-write the paragraph and I'll post it?

> My pleasure.

> Original:
> Version 7.4 has been released after a long testing period, due to the
> rather large number of new "enterprise" features we have. Click download
> links above to download it, or read more to find out about our new
> features.

> Revised:
> After twelve months of development an extended testing period,


After twelve months of development and an extended testing period,


Note addition an "and".


Paul...


> Merlin

--

plinehan  x__AT__x  yahoo  x__DOT__x  com

C++ Builder 5 SP1, Interbase 6.0.1.6 IBX 5.04 W2K Pro

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